Post C Section Fart: The Best Fart Ever

I was in the hospital on the 3rd day after my C-section. Doc had come to see my progress. "You don't have to have a BM (bowl movement), but you do have to pass gas before you can go home", he said. "OK", I replied. He left. Shoot. I was bloated like a dead whale. I was trying to eat all the fiber and fruit I could stand. Nothing was working to make the gas move!

They said to walk, so I paced the halls, pushing the baby around, but nothing. I tried the suppository, again, nothing. I had to act and fast. Otherwise, we would not be going home, as promised, on day 4.

That night, as my daughter slept soundly, it was around 3 AM. I was a desperate woman, hormones all screwed up, severe pain on the incision due to the gas and fluid pressing on my lower abdomen. I thought to myself. There is only one way I am going to get a fart out. The halls were quiet. The room was dark. I waited until the nurse made her rounds, and decided there was very little chance of someone coming in unannounced. I raised the hospital bed as high as it would go. I leaned over it and pressed my aching belly into the mattress with as much force as I could stand. I lay there for some time. I prayed. I felt like it was working, but I needed a little something extra. I pulled down the disposable underwear and spread those cheeks. Seriously - I spread them really wide.

The combination of the pressure on the bowels, the open airway, the position of "butt in the air", and patience was perfect. Ahhhh, sweet relief. I farted the most satisfying, long fart I have ever had the pleasure of releasing. Its chorus was music to my ears. Then I got to thinking about what someone would see if they walked in on me. Here I am, baby sleeping on the bed, bed raised all the way up, me bent over it, pants pulled down, cheeks spread wide. I laughed for about 30 minutes and it just about killed me!

When I told my husband the next day, I laughed again, and thought I had split open my incision it hurt so bad. This story has really come in handy in times of someone needing a good laugh.